Legal Analysis of Men in Black

Not every legal dispute arises from breach of contract; some arise because a two-meter-tall alien takes over a human’s body to carry out his revenge on the human population for squashing bugs. Because, well, you know, there’s not much on TV these days.

So, the real questions are, how do we deal with it when aliens wreak havoc on Earth? What kind of protection or immunity should they be afforded? I think the answers will take us down different roads, depending on what role the aliens truly play on Earth.

Who are the Aliens?

To understand how the Aliens should be treated on Earth, we must first understand who the extraterrestrials become after they go through MIB’s airport—that’s if they do.

Foreign diplomats? A foreign diplomat carries diplomatic immunity and is thus immune to arrest or prosecution when visiting another nation. So, why should the extraterrestrials in Men in Black be subject to Earth’s International law? Forgive the pun, but why can't they have Alienatic Immunity? I guess this depends on their ‘career’ back on the home planet and the relevance of the Vienna Convention on Diplomatic Rights. However, we do see an example of how important officials from other planets are treated on Earth in MIB I, where J and K hunt Edgar in avenging the Arquillian Prince. Therefore, we can conclude that Earth, or MIB as a proxy government, to a certain extent, have diplomatic relationships with alien planets.

Civilians? If the aliens are treated as visiting civilians and abide by the rules handed to them at MIB airport, then they’re likely to be treated as tourists, with similar protections and the expectation that they’ll behave humanely. Should they choose to terrorise Manhattan, they’d likely be sent to MIB’s prison along with Jarra and his minions.

Spies? I think this is where it gets tricky. We never really know whether some of the aliens that are carrying out their destructive missions on Earth are doing so in a rogue fashion or as a part of their professional capacity on their home planets, as with government agents and spies, who, of course, do not have diplomatic immunity. Nevertheless, we do know that they are enemies of Earth, as they’re sent to the MIB prison or vaporised. Although when they are enemies to more than one species, and dangerous enough, they're likely rogue and unwanted, and accordingly sent to exile at the Lunar Supermax Prison.

Simple, isn’t it?

Should Earth Law Apply to Aliens at All?

Probably not. MIB's approach to having intergalactic treaties is much more efficient than forcing the aliens to abide by humanity’s laws, even on Earth. Our laws and legal systems are constructed on human nature. If they did apply to aliens, we’d have to face the burden of fitting the extraterrestrials into a human mould—begging the questions, how exactly does one determine a Boglodite’s mens rea? Or assess the behaviour of a reasonable Cephalapoid? Or even try to determine whether a Skook, like Jeebs, suffered Actual Bodily Harm when K blew his head off, twice?

Application

We can look to Edgar to see how all this works under a legal lens. Edgar, the bug avenger, was seeking justice for his kind on Earth. If Earth’s law did apply to aliens, he would probably be innocent, acting under self-defence per Article 51 of the UN Charter. Thankfully, MIB’s Tycho Treaty shields us from a vengeful bug, allowing his arrest and subsequent vaporisation.

Also, we often see J and K vaporise aliens that violate intergalactic treaties, and we can only assume—and quite frankly, hope—that these aliens are criminals on their home planet. If they weren’t criminals or hadn’t been disavowed by their respective alien governments, MIB would either be committing a crime against ‘alienity’, in breach of the Geneva Convention, or Intergalactic war starters. Regardless, I can’t imagine Earth would be in a good position.

So,

While Men in Black suggests aliens live quietly among us with the blessing of a shadowy agency, we cannot help but ultimately ask: if an alien vaporises a human being in Piccadilly Gardens, should they be tried in the Hague, handed over to the MIB, or simply deported? I vote for an MIB judgment—I mean, if it ain’t broke... Most importantly, though, who do you think pays for all that cleanup?